Journey's end

I've tried for three years to make my living from playing and teaching music. And I've realised that I'm not earning enough money to buy the things I want. I see people in sports cars and I'm jealous, I see large houses behind gates and I envy the people that live there. I've been a dickhead, wasting my time with stuff I think of as 'worthy' whilst still living in a small flat with the world passing me by.

Two weeks ago I enrolled on a accountancy course, and hopefully in four years time I'll be qualified enough to earn £120K a year (plus!). You see, I've met a girl called Sophie, and she's not the kind to settle for second best. She wants quality in her life and has made me realise that my hippy ways mean nothing in the real world. The world I've been running from.

It's been a hard decision to make, but I know I've been living a lie. Thinking my hippy bollocks is worth something, but it's nothing. Those cold stone circles I've wasted so many years trawling around are just old stones 'put on end'. They mean nothing. I mean nothing.

Sophie and I watched an eighties film about dancing last night. We were hand in hand all through it.
Loving.
The film was colourful and positive, there were no pagans, no darkness, a big nosed girl danced whilst someone sang about having 'the time of my life', and it was celebratory and Sophie and I planned a white wedding.

I think the sky was clear, and I felt a bit silly saying we should look at the sky, so we talked about the balloon arch we're going to have over the main table for our wedding. I started to tell her how it was a false alter, but she just said I was silly. And how everything was all fucked up with me and how I read too much into everything and her sisters best friend had a balloon arch and what's wrong with a balloon arch anyway?

I've been so wrong. If anyone wants a second hand copy of Janet & Colin Board's Secret Country, you can have it for free, (you pay postage)

I'm off to Ikea.

With my life,